If you could make it anywhere else, would you?

A couple of days ago, I found out that two very dear friends of mine are shrugging off the big city for a life Upstate. And they couldn’t be happier. See, they came to New York, like so many, as actors. I don’t say “aspiring actors” or “looking to break into show biz.” They were actors. They performed (and were paid) all over the country by the time they made the move; they just wanted to be here because, well, that’s what you do. New York or Los Angeles. For the most part, that’s where the auditions are, that’s how you take your career to the next level, that’s how you become a star. So conventional wisdom states. But, unlike many, my friends never really enjoyed the pulse of the city. They were here because New York is where you go for musical theatre. Period. So, they earned their stripes: Bartending, taking gigs out of town, cruise ships, dinner theatre, the whole deal. Then they had a baby, and their priorities changed. They realized that after a number of years, they didn’t want to be a part of this grind anymore. Actually, they never wanted to really be a part of it, they just didn't want to endure it any longer. They could actually be happy working a decent job, not performing, with a better quality of life somewhere else. My buddy was offered a promotion from the beer distributor he works for here in the city. The position is in Syracuse and he and his wife jumped on it without a second thought. No more struggling with strollers on the subway, no smell of hot garbage on the street in July, no more pausing a phone conversation on the street because an ambulance is passing every 2 seconds. They are out.

And looking at their situation, and seeing friends around me growing up, I ask this question: If you were not pursuing a career in the arts, would you still want to live in NYC? I, personally, think that this is the greatest city in the world. But, I also know that it can beat you down. So, why endure the bad if you know you can have the good elsewhere. This is what my friends have discovered. They want a backyard and a driveway, and they don’t want to have to be millionaires to have either. What is "the good" for you? Is it the a huge backyard with a white picket fence? Or is it the ability to buy a slice of pizza at 4am?

This week’s Time Out New York’s cover page asks: “Do you belong in NYC?” And it was the first time in a long time that I couldn’t give a definitive answer. A brief history: I moved to NY after college, worked as an actor/bartender/ waiter for 5 years and moved to LA for 4 years and did...pretty much the same thing. I originally moved to “take the next step” and have better weather, but eventually, I decided that my priorities changed and an actor’s life was no longer desirable. I liked acting; I just didn’t like all the hoops you had to jump through to make a living at it. I moved back to NY with my wife last year in an attempt to start a new chapter in our lives. But, not as an actor. I see the city differently now. And there is a lot that I want to accomplish here still, but I must admit, the large yard/picket fence deal is a little more tempting than it used to be (and I don’t even like yard work).

And I think the love/hate relationship with this city is pretty common. But, look, there is a vibe here that doesn’t exist anywhere else. The feeling that you are in the center of the universe is pretty damn cool. Yes, we pay too much money for it. But, sometimes, when the subway is on time (and you get a seat), and you have a great impromptu happy hour with some great friends because you all coincidentally happen to be in midtown at the same time, you realize that this kind of human connection cannot happen everywhere. And it usually doesn’t.

But, when you’re 50 years old and still living hand-to-mouth, and more importantly, you don’t enjoy that lifestyle but you keep plugging along for that "big break," will you know when to say when? And if so, where do you go?